In the spirit of Martha Stewart, I present my list of essentials to any camping trip, with one difference, I camp on a budget. What qualifies me to write such a list? Not a damn thing, other that the fact that last year I started planning for Heartland in March and this year in January. I am still frantic and have decided that a camping trip is like a wedding, you just can't do it properly without at least a year's planning.
You never know what or how much you might need of something when camping, so a good rule of thumb is, “When in doubt, pack it!� For instance, I take everything I can, including the kitchen sink. Ok, so it isn't really a sink. It's a tub that I use as a sink, and it does double duty as a storage container for the paper plates and plastic silverware. I know -- “If she is using disposable dinnerware, why does she need a sink?� The answer is, for many things: cooking utensils, hands, bottlenecks, steak knives, and innumerable others. Camping on a budget also means finding things that have two or three different uses or things that can be used over and over. That way you have more room in your car, and your budget, for other important things. So, without further ado,on with the list!

BIG STUFF
Tent – This is obvious, but when shopping for your tent, you will notice the little notations about how many people they sleep. The figures are apparently based on how many starving Korean children will fit into it and bear no resemblance to reality. They assume that if you are camping you will have no equipment, no clothing, and no need for storage of any kind. They also assume that you will be using Vaseline to enable yourself to get in and out of the tent and will be sleeping on top of your camp mate. This may not be a bad thing -- for the first hour or so, but after that, I myself, need to roll over. I have done the math, and the way I figure it, you need to take the number of people in your tent and multiply by three. That way you have room for your stuff and air to pass between. It is a good idea to have enough passing space on each side of the bedding to allow persons who need to answer the call of Nature during the night to do so without having to crawl over or stomp on their companion(s). Also, make sure that you can assemble and disassemble the potential tent and that you can stand upright in said tent. It is no fun trying to get dressed while flat on your back. Trust Me.
Tarp – This is an optional item, but one that I feel is worth it. You put it down under your tent to act as an extra layer between the tent floor and the ground. It also works as a front porch if you place it properly. A porch is good for kicking off your shoes outside and not tracking dirt into you pristine tent. Of course, it is impossible to keep a tent pristine but at least you can say you tried. It is also fun to coat your tarp with cooking oil and... well, we will get into that later.
Screen Room – This is another nice thing to have in that it allows you to eat and congregate without a lot of bugs, plus it provides shade while still allowing the air to flow freely. Of course, the first time someone forgets to zip the door, all of the bugs will be eating and congregating with you.
Table – You can put a small grill and your “sink� on it and still have room for food preparation and writing. You also can sit around it and talk, play Camping Monopoly on it, have sex on it, and -- there was something else -- oh yes, eat your meals off it. I won’t go camping without one.
Grill – If you doubt your ability to cook over a roaring fire without including pieces of your flesh in the menu plan, you will want to pack along a grill. You will want to choose your grill depending on the amount of cooking you plan on doing. If you intend just to blacken a few hot dogs, a small charcoal model is fine. If you are a regular Woodlands Julia Childe, there are some nice propane fueled ones out there, some even mounted on their own trailer. I have found that a small tabletop grill works just fine, and they are relatively inexpensive. Mine is equipped for gas or charcoal cooking.
Lawn Chairs – Walking around with a muddy butt is just not very flattering, so sitting on the ground should probably be avoided. Since you can not always count on a convenient log and sitting on the beer cooler means you popping up and down like a hyperactive Catholic, a lawn chair is an excellent idea. Be sure it is solid and can bear your weight easily. The chairs with bars along the bottom as opposed to four feet, won't sink into the soft ground as easily, just something to keep in mind.
Coolers – At least two are needed, one for food and one for drinks. If they are solid enough, they make great chairs for company (as long as the company doesn’t mind jumping up and down like hyperactive Catholics).
Big Plastic Storage Boxes – These are great for bedding, clothing and food that does not have to be refrigerated. They also double as nightstands and tables when you line them along the inner walls of your tent. They are easily moved, easily stored and can even be stacked, and they seem to hold a lot more than Little Plastic Storage Boxes.

BEDDING
Air Mattress – Like tent makers, air mattress makers lie about the sizes. They must measure things without air then round up because every air mattress I have ever had, claimed it was 1 size larger than it was and my twin size air mattress is about 2 feet wide. In other words, if you don’t buy one size larger than you need, you had better not plan on moving when you sleep, let alone rolling over! Air mattresses are also great for locating any sticks, thorns, or sharp objects under your tent. Just put it down, lay on it, and it will attract them and reward you with a pleasant “rushing� sound.
Egg Crate Cushions – These are great for adding cushion to your air mattress and evening out the tubular effect you have with your mattress. You simply lay one of these cushions on top of your mattress and then cover with a comforter. The jury is still out on points up or points down.
Sheet – This goes on top of the comforter that is acting as your bottom sheet. Use the sheet alone if it is fairly warm or add extra layers when you get cold -- can you say “Duh�?
Blanket – you need two of these, one for your bed – over the sheet, and one to carry with you as a picnic blanket. Remember: it will always be colder than you anticipate.
Comforters – You need two of these, one as a bottom sheet for your bed and one to go over everything and make your portable home look beautiful and cover up the true rumpled bedding under it all.
Pillows – one or two per person and if you can’t figure out where these go, then there is nothing I can do for you.

TOOLS
Rubber Mallet with Hanging Hook – Use the mallet for setting your tent stakes and although the hook is for hanging when not in use, it is great for removing tent stakes from the ground when packing up. You can also use it to pick burned particles of delicious camp food from your teeth.
Hammer Axe – For breaking up any small tree stumps or cutting down saplings in your way. Before you do cut down any saplings, though, you need to check with the camp site director or land owner to make sure it is okay. The hammer side is good to soften any low cut stumps and for anger therapy. Grab a small log and bash it till your arms hurt, then dump it in the fire; no harm, no foul. The axe is also handy for certain Norse flavored rituals.
Screwdriver – Never know when you might need to screw, and when you are done you might need to put something together.
Coat Hanger – For car locks and hanging things. However it's usually recommend you only unlock cars with the owner’s permission.
Fire – Matches, lighters or long nose butane lighters. I call mine “The Flame Thrower� but it’s real name is “Aim and Flame.� With these kind of things you can get into the small holes in your grill, light your tiki torches and any candles without risking a burn to your fingers. You hard core back to Earth types are still welcome to rub sticks together.
Rope – This is great for a clothes line and other things. You need a clothesline to dry out your clothes when they are sweaty or if you wear a cover up after swimming and for your towels after your shower. It can also be used for fun “adult� things like, well, I guess we will talk about this later, too.
Wrench – When you want to loosen things up. Use beer when you really want to loosen things up.
Knife – This is a utility knife for any number of things, such as cutting rope. If you get a good one, you will also have your can opener, corkscrew, small scissors, nail file and all kinds of other cool things. To appear cool be sure to call it your “boleen.�
Hand Saw – No! This is not for sawing hands! It is for removing that annoying tree branch that is hanging in the way of where you want your tent to go.
Whip, Handcuffs, Blindfold – If you don’t know why you want to have these, I feel sorry for you. If you just don’t have any of these, come see me. They also go very well with the tarp and the rope.

SHOWER, and BATHROOM STUFF
Shower Stuff - Shampoo, Conditioner, Soap, Wash Cloth or Body Puff, Towel, Tooth Brush, Toothpaste, Cologne or Perfume, Deodorant, Dental Floss, Razor, Powder, Makeup. Be sure they are all colorfully packaged so they will double as conversation pieces. This is very important when showering socially.

Bathroom Stuff: Medications and First Aid – prescriptions, pain killer, antacid, allergy, anti-diarrheal, athletes foot medicine, K-Y (believe it or not, it is great for blisters, honest!), calamine lotion, sunscreen, bug repellent/
Skin-So-Soft, iodine, Band-Aids, alcohol, peroxide, cotton balls, eye drops, snake bite kit, Nu-skin (a kind of antiseptic spray glue that works like a Band-Aid, but better. Try it, it’s great). For gosh sakes, bring toilet paper! I have yet to go to a fest where there is enough. I guess something about being in the Great Outdoors makes people want to wipe more.

LIGHTING
Tiki Torches – Light your whole area and act as a guide when you are stumbling back home after dancing and drinking around the campfire --that is, if you leave before sunrise. If you use citronella oil* in your torches, you can also keep some of the bugs away. Use gasoline, and you can keep everything away.
Flashlights – I have one large flashlight for each person. But remember, no matter how many batteries you bring there will not be enough. So don’t even try.
Indoor Light – I found a great little flashlight that converts to a lantern. It has a string on it as well, so I hang this from the apex of my tent, and I have an indoor light for working in the tent at night. With it being a top mounted light, it is a much more efficient use of lighting than a flashlight on the floor. CAUTION: turn this thing off when doing (ahem) mature activities unless you want to find hundreds of people in chairs and on beer coolers cheering you on.
Candles and Incense – Give your tent a homey feel. Set these on your big plastic boxes at the sides of your tent and you won't even miss home. Remember not to leave them burning unattended, or they may give you a homeless feel.
Citronella Candles – Scatter these on the table and around your campsite to keep the bugs away and provide extra light. Inhaling the smoke will not get you high. At least, that’s what I have been told. By a friend. Really.
Stick Candles – These are really cool candles that burn like traditional candles but are dip-mounted on sticks to allow you to stick them in the ground around your campsite. Just another lighting option in case you want to wax artistic or just have artistic wax.
Lanterns – Old-fashioned metal, oil-burning lanterns are good for table tops, but I would not suggest using them inside your tent, as there is too much chance for fire. Caution should also be used around old ladies milking cows.

MUSIC
Drums – You have to have some way to make noise and participate in the traditional game of “how long can we keep everyone awake?� Quite often this game lasts till morning, and you have to be prepared. If you don’t have a drum, get creative. My first drum at my first festival, was the clear light cover on my flashlight.
Other Instruments – Guitar, Tambourine, Rattles, Maracas, Finger Cymbals, and anything else your mind can create.

CLOTHING
Hot Clothes – Five outfits suitable for hot weather. Naked is always good.
Cold Clothes – One outfit suitable for cold weather. Naked is good if you look good in blue.
Ritual Clothes – Two or Three outfits for rituals -- or no outfits if you choose the skyclad rituals. Skyclad is easier to keep clean.
Dancing Clothes – You ladies will know what I mean when I say that dancing in a dress is much more fun that dancing in shorts or nothing at all. When you wear a dress or a billowy skirt, you can swing it around and lift it a little at a time and show what you have in stages -- much more alluring that way. But naked is good.
Sleeping Clothes – Your best lingere and your birthday suit.
Under Clothes – Hey, if you get caught running around without underwear, you can’t blame it on me. You can show me though!
Bathing Suit – For the shy ones. Birthday suit for the not so shy ones.
Work Gloves – Never know when you might have to yank on something. But hopefully you will find a date.
Hair Thingies – You can get pretty hot out there (hell, I am always hot), but it helps to get your hair off your neck. Plus you can do that really cool thing where you take the clip out of your hair and shake your head till your hair cascades around you shoulders looking like you just got out of the stylist’s chair. Or you can always shave your head and let it go naked like the rest of you.
Jewelry – Necklaces, Earrings, Bracelets, Rings, Anklets, and anything else you can borrow from your sister, brother, best friend or S/O.
Belts/Cords – Double as cords for tying hands behind peoples backs before you steal them away and accost them in private (or in public for those without stage fright). This is really fun on “Tarp Night.�
Shoes – You have to take shoes that are good for slogging through mud, water, slime, and Gods only know what. Everyone loves the sight of a person completely naked but for their ankle high Doc Martins.
Hats and Sunglasses – Essential for fending off the sun or the stray autograph hound.
Carry Bag / Fanny Pack – For your money, cigarettes (if you smoke), Kleenex, snack food, writing utensil, and anything else you need with you. Remember if you are naked you are going to need a place for those keys!

FOOD , BEVERAGES and KITCHENWARE
Food – Sit down and make out a meal plan. Figure out what you want for breakfast, lunch and dinner plus two snacks per day. Figure what you will need for the number of people in your party and double it. You never know when you might decide that you want more of one thing and less of another or when you will be feeding company. A good tip when preparing for camping is to cook everything you can, in advance, and freeze it. It saves you cooking time, it helps to keep you cooler, well, cool, and it will defrost on its own over time. When wrapping cooked hamburgers, wrap them in waxed paper, then in foil. The waxed paper will keep the foil from sticking to the hamburger and if you open the package and remove the waxed paper before you cook it, you can cook the burgers in the foil and save yourself some cleanup. If you store like items in plastic, Zip-Lock baggies (all hamburgers in one, all steaks in another), then you can write what is inside them on the outside and you just have to pull out a bag, and throw the contents on the fire for a simple meal. Or you could just say “Screw the food!� and live on beer all weekend.
Beverages – You need one gallon of water and a six-pack of your beverage of choice, per person, per day. Most won’t actually drink a whole gallon of water and six cans of other beverage per day, but you will want extra for company, and realize that you will be using water for cleaning things and for misting yourself to stay cool. Trust me, you will be very glad you brought so much. This again emphasizes the importance of the “Peeing Clearance� mentioned under the “Tent� heading.
Kitchenware – Plastic Silverware, Paper Plates, Plastic Paper Plate Holders (you only have to use one plate and this provides stability, plus they are easily washable), Water Bottle, Cooking Utensils such as skewers, grill fork, tongs, pots and pans, slicing knife, steak knives. Or you could be a real Pagan and attempt to cook and eat with your hands.

MISCELLANEOUS
Batteries – For your flashlight, radio and, oh yeah, that other battery powered item that if you are living right, you won’t need after all. Of course, there will never be enough. Evil battery spirits haunt all Pagan camping areas.
Propane or Charcoal – What is the use of bringing the grill if you have no way to keep the fire lit? You will end up cooking your food with a match.
Tent Stakes – You don’t want that tent you set up to be so pristine blowing away with the first strong gust of wind or the first “indiscretion� on Cauldron O’ Chili Night.
Pen and Notebook – To take notes at workshops and most importantly, to get the phone numbers of all your new friends and lovers. Or to hand out your phone number to potential friends and lovers.
Business Cards / Name Cards – For those of us too lazy to write out our phone numbers ten thousand times or for those too scatterbrained to even remember their phone number. Just jump on the nearest computer and put ten on a page an print them out on regular paper or buy the little cards from the store.
Scissors – For cutting strings, paper, bra straps, and those emergency circumcisions.
Bottle Opener – If you are taking bottles. You don’t want to get out in the woods with your refreshing bottle of beer, and not have a way to open it. Biting the tops off tends to make teeth look unattractive.
Can Opener – Again, not good to get out there with your weeks worth of food all in cans and have no way to open them. And if you can’t open a bottle with your teeth, just try a tin can.
Squirt Bottles – Use mister bottles, one for each camper and one for soap water. Put plain water in a mister bottle for when you are hot (or when entering the wet t-shirt contest) and soapy water in one for cleaning off your table. Important note: label the one with soap in it.
Dish Soap – either that or wash your dishes with shampoo for that extra body and luster.
Wet Wipes – Great for cleaning tables, hands, faces, dirt, and butts.
Patch Kit – For you air mattress. Remember those thorns?
Clock – And if you must, an alarm clock. Only so that you don’t miss your favorite workshop or your community service. Of course, you do run the risk of being referred to in an unkind manner by those camping around you who drummed till 6 am.
Duct Tape – For fixing any number of things (they wrote a book, literally) or for taping shut the mouths of anyone who deserves it.
Wisk Broom and Dust Pan – If you let down your guard and any dirt gets into your tent, you must remove it immediately, For lack of a mop, this will have to do. Ha Ha! Sorry, I just got a vision of you vainly trying to actually keep your tent clean.
Citronella Oil – Gotta have something to put in your tiki torches.
Funnel – Makes filling your tiki torches easier.
Camera and Film – Gotta have pictures for blackmail.
Mirror – To make sure others know you are as beautiful as you know you are. Also, good for signaling passing planes if you take a wrong turn on the way to that Guided Meditation workshop.
Registration Materials – It would be a pain in the butt to get you stuff packed up and realize you left your registration at home, especially if home is in Wahoo.
Paper Towels – Rank right up there with the toilet paper. Well, maybe your butt won’t think so.
Kleenex – Cause blowing your nose without them is just plain gross.

If you have come up with anything I have forgotten, then I feel sorry for you, you obviously have less of a life than I do. Hope this helps though. Feel free to reproduce at will (I mean the LIST you filthy animal!)

Good luck, and you know you packed right when people say “Oh, yeah. Yours is the campsite that looks like Walmart exploded.�